Achieved | Achievement | % of players | Unlock date |
|---|---|---|---|
 | Dope You listened to Doug drop some phat beatsies. | 96.88% | 11/08/2019, 18:05:54 |
 | F.R.I.D.G.E C.R.E.A.M You listened to a fridge drop some phat rhymes | 52.97% | |
 | Koniec You completed Paradigm. Dope. | 37.57% | 11/08/2019, 23:25:54 |
| Crowd Pleaser You learned some sweet dance moves. | 35.84% | |
| High Five Me Again, Yeah You high fived the arm one too many times. | 31.81% | |
 | Succulent Space Odyseey You bid a farewell to a space cactus. | 30.52% | 11/08/2019, 21:55:55 |
| Toast My Buns You dated a toaster. Your buns are now nice and toasy. | 28.65% | |
| We Don't Go There You entered the forbidden mouse hole. | 28.5% | |
| Quak Me Hard You dated a duck-human. The rumours are true. | 25.62% | |
| Oh My What Long Arms You Have You dated a noodle hands mutant. Flexibility is a blessing. | 23.03% | |
| There's No Place Like Wall You talked to the Man in the Wall. | 21.74% | |
| Down in the Dungeon You found the Lich King Dungeon. (Steve's holiday house) | 17.56% | |
| Keeps Me Company You defended yourself in the way only way you know how. | 14.97% | |
| Qualified IT Consultant You listened to enough IT advice, you could probably get mid tier IT consulting job. | 14.54% | |
| Kvlt Grooves You used the kvlt code to get the kvlt black metal audio tape. | 12.52% | |
| Carpal Tunnel Revenue You pressed the ad button 10000 times and skipped the puzzle. You also may have carpal tunnel. | 8.49% | |
| Notavirus.exe You installed a virus in IT. | 7.63% | |
| High Fidelity You collected all the audio tapes. | 7.34% |